When I first learned how to meditate, I thought I was going to learn how to be absoulety happy all the time. Like Blissed out Happy, on top of the clouds, nothing could bring me down. I would never struggle again and just live without any fear or anxiety.
And then when I would sit down, I would be overwhelmed with racing thoughts. Reliving daily events with that chattering mind. Regrets would consume me. As well as exhaustion, as though I had finally run out of steam from running through the day, and just wanted to collapse with fatigue.
Several months into my practice, I learned that these are normal experiences. “Whatever comes up for you, release it out to the Universe at the end of your meditation practice,” said one of my teachers. Let go, let go, let go.
“Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Meditation is essential for our survival.”
-Thích Nhất Hạnh
As human beings, we would not be alive if we did not have the mental chatter, what many call the “monkey mind.”
I have come to find that when I Sit with my Self, I become fully Awake. To what is happening Within. To the emotions that I have been ignoring. To the thoughts that are consuming me. I become Aware with this Observation, rather than constantly proceeding without any pause or self-reflection.
Often, I am able to clean out the inner commotion and come to a place of peace and stillness, leaving the meditation feeling balanced and rejuvenated.
Often, I dip deep into a commotion of sensibilities I did not know where stuck in me. Sometimes sadness or grief. Agitation. Fear. Anger. These are the more challenging moments — to allow myself to actually sit with these emotions. For as long as they need attention. Eventually, they will release. With no time pressure. With patience and self Love.
So it is not about living in a Bliss Bubble all the time. But to sometimes embrace the Uncomfortable. To not Witness this Within ourselves would be to deny a very integral and beautiful character of Being Human - that of Feeling. That of Being Alive. That of Being. Being Who I am. In True Essence. Here and Now.
See Wellness Within
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